Clingy Child

 The clingy child fears when separated from their parents or the person to whom they are attached the most.

Mom~o~pedia

Attachment is a feeling of Love. It is normal to feel comfortable with a particular parent.

Babies are likely to attach to mothers more as they have a 9-month womb relation with them.

Also, in the early months or a year, a baby is dependent on the mother for breast milk. Today there are formula milk and bottles but still, babies can easily recognise the touch, smell, voice and warmth of a mother.

But not necessarily babies attach to their mothers, some are close to their fathers or other members of the family too.

The toddlers and older kids are attached to parents when they fear never being with them again, finding them out of sight or alone, and sad, and anxious about losing them. 

The clingy child is not always clingy but needs a comfort zone for themselves.

Attachment: Is it normal or not?

Yes, it is completely normal but being clingy is a problem as the child grows. 

I have seen many parents blaming other parents for a clingy child. Does this give a solution? No, then why do we need to complicate the situation for struggling parents if we can't help them?

Also, if a child is attached to his/her mother then the mother is blamed for this. I mean, why? If a child is more comfortable with his mother then it's not an issue. It's their bond, especially if the child feels safe, comfortable and loved but that doesn't mean the child doesn't love the other family members. Yes, but if we blame the mother in front of a child then this can create a gap between the person and child as the child might think this person is trying to separate me from the mother.

I have seen babies attached to fathers too, but in this case, the father is not blamed but appreciated as he looks after the child and so he or she is so close to the father. Anyway, that's another topic to be covered in my next post. 

So, if fathers are attached to their children then this is also absolutely normal. As I said kids observe people around them and attach to ones whom they feel most comfortable with.

In my case, shivaanshi was comfortable with every member of the family as we never blamed each other and she equally shared the time with everyone in the house. In spite, of her father not spending too much time with her as compared to us still she loves him equally. This is because when they share time, then it's only she and her father.

But if your child is attached to any one member of the family then there is nothing wrong with nor that it means other members love less.

Also, not every time the child is attached to any one person means that others blame them or don't share time. Every child is different and their way of thinking too. Understand your child and see why he or she does like this so that you avoid clinginess in older kids.

The cause of concern:

An attachment is fine but it should not make things worse. Parents should try to build a gap so that gradually when they grow it won't be a problem at school or if they have to be alone without that person. 

The anxiety of separation is fine until they are toddlers but a grown-up child should be fine with the situation where they have to be alone. This should be done by parents. How? Let's read it further.

Separation anxiety is common among children starting school. Originating from fear of the unknown and adapting to new situations, symptoms range from mild clinginess to severe distress or school refusal.

I have seen babies or toddlers cry a lot even when their person goes to another room or washroom. Here, we think why the child wants only that person? Don't I love him/her? And we start being frustrated with the child or their behaviour. But, the reason from the child's point is that they think I am alone here, my person left me and will never come back. They don't understand it's just a minute or hour, it's just that I am alone here. So, your job is to make the child comfortable with you(it's very difficult but not impossible). My niece was doing the same as she was very close to her mother but I always made her comfortable and she used to stop crying(not always but mostly) also, so I was her favourite masi😉(not more than her mom but it's fine at least the child considered me).

Creating Space :

It's normal for a child to be attached but to normalise with society they need to be independent. So, this is where we need to think practically and not emotionally. 

Slowly create a space between you and your child. I know, especially if you are a first-time parent you want to do everything for your child but excess in anything can cause harm(even love). If you love your child you have to make them independent. 

How to create space?

Allow the child to be with other members at home. In the beginning, the child will blubber but eventually, this will bond them with other members too. 

Other members should understand that this will take time and give the child his/ her time rather than frustration(as it will cause only you the problem). As I said about the bond of my niece(gargi) with me. 

Both partners should understand each other. This helps handle situations better and makes a happy child.

Spend time together:

All the members should once a week be together either for a meal or playtime. This will bond the child with everyone in the family. 

Frustrated parent:

• I have seen mothers being frustrated as their child is always dependent on them. Frustration will create more clinginess in the child. 

• Make them understand, speak to them. 

• Stop judging your partner and support her/him to avoid frustration.

•  More than a child's behaviour mothers are frustrated with their members of the family who keep blaming them for the child's behaviour.

• Also, the earlier you start teaching a child about distancing it will be easier later as the child grows and does not create frustration.

Note:
If you don't want to be a frustrated parent then teach your child to be independent as early as possible. 

I hope my post helps you in some way. Keep reading🥰