How to handle kids tantrums

 Mom~o~pedia

Now, this was the topic I was searching for myself. My daughter is 4 years old and now that she is going to school, dance and gymnastics class. She has many friends(school, dance class, bus, gymnastics, BFFs etc). Many different friends with different behaviour.

Kids sometimes watch other kids doing tantrums or any other medium.

Shivaanshi nowadays was throwing a lot of tantrums and still but, now I know how to handle her.

I was very much frustrated with her behaviour as she was never being like this, especially when she wanted anything and I said no with a reason, she was okay with that but now she has started throwing tantrums (like crying or repeating the same things until I say yes or doing anything which annoys me).

Although this was not serious, sometimes I would lose my temper which I did not like. So I wanted a solution, I started reading blogs and books to search how to handle and some of them helped me. 

Are you all facing the same problem? I will help you to overcome this one. Also, please note that every kid is different and these solutions might not work for you or might take time. Keep trying.

What is a tantrum?

Tantrums are means to express in a way of crying, frustration and repetitive talking. Once you encourage their tantrum it becomes a habit. So, never entertain such behaviour. Also, being harsh is not the correct way. 

Now, from toddlers to older kids, anyone can show tantrums. 

Older kids do it if they have not learned to express or manage their feelings.

Toddlers show tantrums mostly when they are hungry or exhausted, they need something to be done(like watching videos, wanting toys or going somewhere etc).  

Causes of tantrums in toddlers:

• When your child is hungry, sleep-deprived or tired.

• Temperament( the way they handle the world). kid's temperaments can be social, reactive or self-regulation. For example: if your kid is self-regulated then they might fear or won't speak at all(shy) when they face many people together, they don't do this purposely but it's their temperament. 

• Emotions.

• Coping with the situation.

How do handle tantrums?

As a parent, we are frustrated with the tantrums. Even I was going through the same thing but this is not a solution. Frustration cannot heal frustration. You need to be calm and relaxed and know how to deal with the situation without thinking about the people around you.

Let me explain to you my personal experience, positive as well as negative.

Negative experience:

Once I and shivaanshi had gone to her friend's place to see her friend's newborn cousin. This was the first time we had been to her friend's house and that too her best friend. We had a great time and then it was time to say bye but they were so happy that Shivaanshi refused to come back home, I somehow convinced her to get the clothes to stay there.

After coming home she was like pack my back and leave me to her place. I tried talking to her and convincing her but she was not ready to listen. She was saying only one thing please I want to stay at her place. She was literally into tears trying to convince me so that I say yes. But I knew if I said yes to her today she would do this every time to convince me. 

Then she started beating me, so her grandmother scolded her for this but still, she was not ready to listen. After a while of so much shouting, we made her agree to us.

But, this was not a solution for that, but in that situation which was the first time I did not know what to do or how to handle it. But I did wrong I was feeling. I scolded her for no reason. 

At night I hugged her and apologized for the same. She was okay with a teary smile. My so understanding child.

Positive experience:

This experience is after I studied tantrums and how to handle them.

Shivaanshi came home from school. I told her to freshen up and have some snacks but she wanted to eat chocolates, I said no chocolate at this time, but she was not listening. She started shouting "I want I want, let me eat" I again said no but she started banging the things. I simply went near her, took the chocolate from her hand and said, shivaanshi now you have dance class, you have to be strong to dance so eating only chocolates won't make you strong instead you can eat it after dinner but only one and she was ok mumma, keep this I will eat it after dinner.

Now this situation won't be the same for every child. Some won't be convinced that easily. As a parent you know your child better so find ways how to handle them. Speaking of distracting whatever works for them.

Also, every time the situation is not the same the child's mood is different and their tantrums too, just be calm and always remember to speak politely, especially in public(which is very difficult 😅 but not impossible). Also, remember frustrated parents lead to a frustrated child.

These were my experiences, now with different situations you can try these ways, I have read and tried to use them on my daughter;

Expressing Emotions by speaking: Explain to kids the emotions, like if they are happy, sad, angry or feared then for all these they should speak. They should not bang their heads if they are angry or throw things. Also, tell them that babies cannot speak so they cry on every small need but now you are grown up and you can speak so express your needs by speaking

Hunger or sleep deprivation: If the tantrums are because of sleep or hunger, understand it and calm them rather than just screaming and yelling for throwing tantrums. Also, teach them to speak if they are hungry or tired so that Mumma won't be upset as she won't understand the reason unless you speak.

Handling situations: learn to distract them, if they want a toy or chocolate that you don't want to buy unnecessarily then distract them by showing something or talking to them about their favourite things.

Share your ways to handle stress with them so that they do the same. Example: If you are stressed with a huge crowd to reach somewhere, take a deep breath, and say now I am feeling better. Kids notice your actions and do the same next time. Also, if you handle the same situation with anger and negative words they will do the same when they are stressed.

Note: stop thinking that kids are having tantrums purposely instead start supporting them. They need help to understand their feelings and not frustration and anger. Helping them can lead to less tantrums in future or maybe they will stop.😁

When you are helping your child then keep in mind that it won't happen in a day, it will take time. Give them the time and I am sure they will stop the tantrums. 

One more thing as I always say don't compare your kid with others. Every child is unique in their way so, they take their time to understand things. Comparing can worsen your problem. 

Watch your behaviour to change your kid's behaviour. Also, they are replicas of people around them. 

Effects of tantrums on kids and parents (especially mothers):

Handling a child's tantrums positively is a very difficult task. The journey can be stressful if you are frustrated. 

Try to keep yourself calm, if you are upset with other things. don't remove your frustration on your child if they throw tantrums at that time.  

Every child is different, and comparing another child will lead to more tantrums. We need a solution for the problem so stop creating more problems for your child. A child with a lot of tantrums are not bad kids but they need support to understand their feelings.

I have seen many parents blaming other parents (especially mom)saying, see how his or her child is behaving(so much of a tantrum) we don't allow such kind of behaviour for our kid. I agree such tantrums should not be entertained by parents as this will encourage them to do more in future but you need to understand that every parent needs a happy child and they don't support their child for this behaviour but they need a guide to handle the situation. So, next time you see such a scene happening then stop JUDGING and start SUPPORTING. This will lead to a happy parent who will ultimately have a happy child.

I hope this helps you in some way. Keep reading🥰. 

Note: All the points I have written are mostly my experiences in terms of Indian parents or people I know about and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.